Sorry isn't so hard.
2:54 a.m.

N -

Did you ever consider that an apology might work wonders? That, even if it didn't make everything a-okay between us all, it just might help us to soften up to you and to realise that you do have some shame, some remorse for your actions? Did you ever think that an apology is just common decency... something mums and dads tell us to do when we're young for a reason?

And yet you can't even grant us that. Not even one lousy apology for lashing out at us, literally, for such a trivial thing. Do you know how many times I've sat here at my computer and contemplated IM'ing you or emailing you or leaving a comment in your LJ? But I just can't bring myself to do it because of the fact that you won't dignify us with an apology. I don't want to be the one to break the ice this time. I've done it one, two, threefourfive too many times in the past and in this case, I have no guilty conscience and therefore feel no need to be the one to start to patch things up. If you really valued our friendship, you would apologise, not cry alone in your little green room. You'd ask us to forgive you and acknowledge that maybe things will never be the same, but you'd know that at least you said you were sorry... at least you gave it a shot.

I refuse to go running back to you. Our friendship always meant so much to me, and I thought it meant the same to you. In fact, I still do. That's why I can't understand why you would give it all up as lost in a second and not stop to consider that maybe, we would give you another chance if you were to show some sense of remorse.

I miss you. I really do. But I can't bring myself to be the first to say something... not this time. I'd be selling myself short and giving in too easily, and I refuse to do that. If it means that you'll never come to terms with your actions and apologise for them... so be it. At least then I'll know that you weren't really worth it, after all, since you'd let everything go in a flash.

I'm disjointed and not making sense and sounding cliched and stupid... and I know it. You won't read this. But maybe, that sixth sense we seemed to share will kick in and you'll realise that I haven't given up yet. I'm just waiting for you to do what's right.

- K

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