Love Letter to a Letter
3:21 a.m.

E,

It's been well over a day now, and still nothing from you. I guess you really are like every other guy in the world, how disappointing. I really thought more of you than that. Did it all mean nothing to you? Nothing at all? It meant so much to me, more than you realize I think. I know I am not ideal, but neither is she. How you see it isn't real. She doesnt want the same things from you. And this idea she has of you isn't real either. You both are living a horrible lie together. Is that how you want you life to be? I can't believe what you are willing to put yourself thru for someone you don't even really know. Is she really that beautiful to you? How disappointing.

My only hope is that you really see her for what she is, or maybe she finds someone who is really what she needs. It isn't you. She just wants to use you. How can I show you that? How can I make you believe that I really love you? How can I show you that what you really are is wonderful. Does it mean nothing that you never had to hide anything from me? I told you over and over that you are gorgeous, and that it didn't matter to me. I told you every day that to me you were the most wonderful thing in the world. People don't love each other because of the way they look. I know who you really are, I know you know that, that's why we were so close. I know you aren't as close to anyone else. How can you just dismiss me, just when we were really starting to love each other... at least, I was falling in love with you.

I know you, I know you better than you know yourself and you can't deny that. Why did you open up to me. Why did you make me feel so special when you were just going to blow me off to run back to her again. Everyone can see that you have no relationship. This is just some pipe dream.

I prayed about it. I asked God to tell me what to do. I asked him to show me who you were really supposed to be. The feeling that he gave me in my heart, was telling me that everything you know now is wrong. What you want to become isn't right. I feel like I am supposed to help you, but I don't know how. You won't let me. You won't let me show you how precious you are to me. How can I show you that I love you for everything you are, and not for what you COULD be someday.

When I asked you why you were so open with me... why you were so intimate with me, you always said you didn't know... that you were just really comfortable with me. I don't like being used like that. You have made me feel so foolish. All I wanted was to show you how amazing you were, and you ignored it. You sucked it up and like vermon and then shit it out like it was waste. As I type this I wonder if you have even thought of me since we have been back. Then I wonder what you are thinking. You told me you liked me, I think it was more than physical attraction. Please tell me it was. Please don't tell me that you just used me for cheap kicks. Please don't cheapen me like that, not when I care for you so much.

K is doing a spread for me tomorrow. I know it is the only way I can get into your head because you will never really tell me how you feel. I hope he tells me something good, otherwise, I will never speak to you again.

I don't want that.

Je t'aime,

G

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