Disability
1:06 a.m.

You tell me often that you appreciate my friendship. I would like to say the same thing in return- but to use an old clich�, I've been giving everything, and recieving nothing in return.

We met at the start of freshman year, both of us a bit lost and looking to make friends. Your situation was unusual, and you used it as an excuse. I chose to overlook your physical circumstances, unlike so many others, to get to know you better; you've been grateful for the fact.

But even now, I cannot help but think that this relationship was one formed out of pity, because you needed somebody to talk to, and I was just desparate for someone to like me. I can honestly say that I am not biased against you because of your disability, since it has never been an issue to me. The reason I find your company frustrating is based entirely on matters of personality.

What is there to say? You seem to have your personality figured out; you know what you want, or at least, what you think you want. You come to me in the guise of asking for help, yet all I can do is tape the telephone to my forehead and make noncommittal noises of agreement to your tearful tirades. Even if I could get a word in edgewise, you wouldn't listen to me. I don't mind lending support, but I can only smile and nod for so long.

And today, the proverbial camel collapsed. For the hundredth time, you interpreted a situation that made perfect objective sense as the world's attack on you, and over lunch, you proceeded to talk to me as though I were a stupid child when I tried to suggest otherwise. Later, when you found out the guy you liked didn't return the feelings, I removed myself from the picture as soon as possible.

I'm sorry to say this, but I cannot be your therapist. Certainly, helping my friends is a big part of my life, and for some reason or another, I often find myself anyalyzing social situations and doing my best to offer suggestions; that's part of why I'm a sociology major.

Keep in mind, though, that you're not the only one in this world with problems. I'm still learning how to stand up for myself- and yet, as far as you're concerned, I know I won't be able to. We'll keep up our semi-regular trips to the grocery store, you'll probably call me, and I'll wave hello in the cafeteria. During the times when for some reason- or no reason at all- that I want to scream at you, tell you to open your eyes and see that the world is not completely against you, make you realize that people are different and that's okay- I will be pleasant.

And so you will continue to live a life of polarity. You will continue to tell others that because you're a year older than they, you're more mature, yet refuse to take responsibility for your own views and actions. You will verbally insist on being completely independant, yet refuse to go anywhere in this tiny town by yourself. You will claim to be friendly, yet drive others away with your closed-minded assertiveness.

And all I can do is pray that you don't get hurt.

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