The dreams in which I�m dying are the best I�ve ever had�
7:07 a.m.

I�m sorry, I�m sorry I started something that I possibly won�t be able to stop. I know it will hurt you and I know it will hurt her. I just can�t help it. Here�s the chance to get my revenge. Is that so bad really? But what if this stunt goes all the way? What if I fall back into his arms like an idiot. Could I ruin their relationship? Could I ruin ours? I guess what I�m trying to figure out is if I would be willing to trade you for him if I had the chance. I swear I�ve never been so in love. But I can�t help but doubt myself when all along I�ve been thinking of him. It�s unnatural! Maybe you�re right and I am just looking for an excuse for you to break up with me. But I�d be so empty without you. I�m in love with the past, with the �one who got away�. Haven�t I learned that you can�t go back?! For all I preach about it you�d think I�d be moving forward.

I don�t want to cheat on you! I don�t want to be that person! It started off with a simple question. Would he be willing to cheat on his significant other? To my surprise and dismay, He is! If I got traded in for someone who he was truly in love with then WHY would he even consider it? It blows my mind.

The truth is I dreamt about it. I dreamt about it way before I asked him. It scared me.

I am happy with you. You�re more than I could ever hope for! I see a future with you, not with him. And yet�

Look I�m not sure I�m cold hearted enough to go through with this�

I mean he did break me twice so he very well deserves it. But what about his gf? I have no right to break her do I?

There�s no one I can talk to about this. No one can know. They�ll hate me. I�ll be a dirty slut to them. And I�m so sorry! I�m sorry I�m even having these thoughts! These dreams!

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