please
7:41 p.m.

b.p.,

maybe it's just me. maybe it's just me who feels like everything is strained and we just cant talk to each other right now...but dont let it turn into anything more.

please

because desperate as it seems, i dont think i'd ever be the same again if you ever...broke my heart. i know i'd be a different person generally, having been with you and all...but i dont think i'd ever be really happy again.

it really hurt me to know that i hurt you. i try not to hurt you but that's just the way i am. i've been like this for 5 years and i just cant help it.

that one day i cried and cried and cried myself to sleep...i figured something out about my violentness. i try to blame it on my mom. i really do try. but all i can think of when i try is this: i'm like her. not EXACTLY like her, but close enough. i always cry over how she hits me and smacks me and everything for no reason...but i understand why she's like that now. its not like it still makes me have some compassion for her, but at least i understand now. beacuse i'm like that. i try and stop myself but it's like i subconsciously do it. it just happens without my consent or something. of course, that could be a whole bunch of bullshit, but that's actually what it is to me.

i think of you all the time. though maybe it seems like i dont, i do. or does it seem like i think of you too much? i dont know

all i know is that i feel so guilty. i feel so incredibly bad for what im feeling now. i would tell you what it is, considering you're not even going to read this...but i just cant. it doesnt seem right to even type it down.

but if you do decide you could live without me...just know this. i could live without you. i know i can.

it's just that i dont want to.

me

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