To my future husband
8:54 a.m.

Dear Future Husband (Let's call you Amante, it means love),

You don't know me and I don't know you yet - or maybe we do know each other, just don't know about the future we're going to share. One way or the other, I am 21 days away from my 19th birthday and I want you to know something.

I am still a virgin. I am still pure. Happily so. And I plan to stay that way until our wedding night. I am saving myself for you, thinking about you, waiting for you, and I hope that you are doing the same for me. What a thrill it would be to know that we are giving gifts to one another that noone, noone else in the entire world will ever have except for the other.... wouldn't that be the most amazing wedding gift?

There are so many KIDS out there, having sex - 13 and 14 year olds, bed jumping. I can't even imagine what that would be like - to have a pregnancy scare before you turn 16... that's insane.

There are some times, Amante, when I am so lonely that I don't know what to do. I can't breathe, I can't think, all I do is cry. I feel very isolated in this world I've come into since I graduated from high school. It's a very lonely place to be - and I pray and hope that our time is soon. My roommates have given into alcohol and wild parties to quench their lonliness - but I tell you now, love, I gave up alcohol, I gave up that sort of lifestyle because I don't want to be making any mistakes. Because I want our wedding bed to be pure, not whispering of other times, of other people. I want it to be focused on the two of us.

In the meantime, while I wait, I am starting university - going for my dreams, cultivating my brain. I hope that I will see you there... because I've made mistakes, and one of my hugest criteria is to marry a man with an education...

Mike ruined me, you know, for a short time, but I am better again. I won't subject myself to that sort of thing again - have at least graduated high school. Don't be 15 years older than me and know how to spell fewer words than me. I don't say this because I have my nose in the air, but because I crave stimulating conversation.. not the doldrums that I got with him. I was convinced that that was all there was to it - conversations about the weather, going grocery shopping - beer and chicken wings. No - I know there is more out there, because someone else introduced me to it, and now I crave it. Submerse yourself in it.

I've drawn on far too long and not made any sense, so I will be taking my leave now. Love, I want to find you soon - I will find you soon - I am eager to develop a solid friendship with you..

My love always,

Amanda

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