It will all be the same
8:13 p.m.

I'll cover you all here. That's the best way to do it.

First off -

Dear Romeo,

I don't think I can blame you for any of this happening. I waited too long to make my move and say anything, so it's basically my fault that this happened. They've told me that boys are dense, but I can't believe you didn't pick up that I liked you. All those times, I'd let you hug me just a second longer than appropriate, and I'm always touching you - god, I can't keep my hands off of you. Couldn't you figure it out? I didn't tell you because I didn't want to risk hurting a friendship like we had.. have.. whatever. I don't know.

When I came out of my family living class this afternoon, quite upset, sick to my stomach, going to the bathroom to give myself a little peptalk into behaving properly - I mean, I don't even have any claim over you - I thought for sure that my cover was blown. I thought you knew cause you kinda grabbed me and half hugged me, in that weird way that you do, and you asked if I was okay cause I hadn't been acting like myself. Well, let's see, you ignored me all morning and then asked one of my friends to the prom.. I don't know, I was upset. And it only made things worse.

I know it's not your fault, I waited, and you can't help how you feel. I'm just so.. hurt. I can't tell whether I'm more disappointed in her or myself right now, and it's hard.

I also know that this doesn't mean anything, asking her to the prom, but right now, I feel so alone, and so isolated. I just.. I thought things were going so well. I started eating again, and I started liking you, and it was safe, and you were good. And now this - she's so perfect, how am I, an ordinary girl with no talent, not much for looks, no smarts - how am I supposed to compare to her? How? Just tell me what I can do to make you like me.. just tell me. Please. I'm dying inside.

Love,

Your would-be Juliet.

____________________

Alex,

Why would I be so upset? Yeah, that's the stupidest question you've ever asked. Why would I be upset that the boy I like asked my friend to the prom and she said yes, knowing I like him? I don't know, that shouldn't bother me, should it? Well it doesnt matter, because, as you so kindly put it "he obviously doesnt like [me] so it doesn't matter.". Love you too.

Manda

_____________________

Alli,

Yeah, you're last, you condescending, overbearing, competitive bitch. Liar, you're full of bullshit - you knew I liked him, and I know you did this just to one-up me. It's not all a big competition. Someday you're going to learn that you can't treat your friends like shit and get away with it. Someday you'll grow up, but it's obviously not right now. Thanks for nothing, for 12 empty years of friendship. Bitch. Whore. Ass. Liar. Agh.

Thanks for nothing.

Amanda

And I'll wake up in the morning and it will all be the same, and I won't feel any better.

Why hurt me later? You can do so much damage now...

The question remains, will tomorrow be the same - blood rushing through my veins?

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