left unsaid
4:15 a.m.

Its been four months since we ended our relationship, over a year since i first discovered you were sleeping with a girl and were in fact a lesbian. I never did a good job at confronting you or communicating my feelings in the matter. I don't even think you knew that i knew.

I couldn't just abandon you when you needed me at least financially and sometimes emotionally. However you didn't know how to let me into the problems you were having...probably understanding that if i knew the truth it would devastate me...which it did. But we struggled through another nine months together...maybe becoming closer as friends.

Your courage to be who you truely were, although hurt me, gave me the strength to finally accept something that i had known for awhile...that like you, i also fall into the gay category.

While you were on your trip to Japan...i came out to some people...and for the first time in a long time i was happy...the first person i thought of was you and how i wished you were here so i could share this with you and tell you that i understand.

When you returned, you were far more than just cold and distant...you were icebergs. I guess you needed to figure out what you were going to do. What you were going to do about us, about you and her, and about you and your new found love. I guess i can't blame you for being distant...if i had a fiance of five years, a on and off girlfriend, and a new girl i met while away and fell in love with...well...it would have been way too much drama for me to handle and i can handle quite a bit.

But it hurt...maybe more than anything you had done previously. That distance and the cold looks you gave me, the one word answers, the way you acted like i didn't matter. It made me wonder if i had ever meant anything to you at all.

Sometimes i wish you would have shared the struggles you were going through from the start...or i would have shared my own sexuality crisis. I know we would have been better of if one of us had the courage to do it.

I don't know...I do know that you will always be my baby. And maybe one day when were older, you can trust me enough to tell me the whole truth. And we can speak of the things left unsaid.

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