Melancholy
11:40 p.m.

To My Deviant Paramour,

I question my prudence going into this. The fact that I am sitting here, preparing such a declaration speaks volumes to me about the degree to which my last shards of sanity have been shattered.

I was never sane to begin with, and since my unfortunate birth, it has only declined. Please do not patronize me and tell me that I am normal, when it's the farthest thing from the truth. There is nothing normal about me. My medicine cabinet, and the knive hidden under my mattress can say enough about that. But it's not just that alone. The laughing and crying past midnight, the evenings spent staring at the stars on my ceiling, or looking at the tree outside my window. It has the mark of the evil eye on it, I swear. Sometimes I wonder if it's just coincidence that this thing would be placed in such a close proximity to where I sleep...when I can sleep.

I've lost track of the scars. I can barely remember the names of all the medications I'm on. The ones that are supposed to keeo me from sinking deeper into this black whole, into the Abyss.

"When you look into the Abyss, the Abyss also looks into you." -Nietzsche-

I made the mistake once of entrusting my heart to someone I thought was a friend. But in the end, this person turned out to be a complete stranger. The lies, the broken promises, the phonecalls that went unreturned, the letters that went unanswered. The contradictions that hurt so badly. I gave him my heart, and like a glass or a mirror, it broke when he dropped it. He never had a good grip on it to begin with, and what's worse is, he left me alone to pick up the pieces.

What do you do when you can't pick up the pieces? Or when you try to, you only wind up cutting yourself and bleeding more? I have to ask you...who's face do you see when you look into the broken shards of my heart? Is it your one, or a strangers? If not for my sake, than at least your own..memorize that face. Because should you make the same mistake..that will be the one staring back at you in pieces on the floor?:

Could you live with that? Could I?

Once again, I ask myself whether or not it would be wise to entrust my heart again to a stranger. And in this sense, a true stranger. Compared to my last mistake...I barely know you. Can I really trust you with something already so damaged? Are you capable to handle the responsibility?

...do you even want the responsibility to begin with?

Whether I like it or not, I have fallen into love with you...and I'm still falling. I haven't hit bottom yet, but just do me one favour...When I do, please be there to catch me.

Yours So Very Truly,

-Melancholy-

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