Merry Christmas, baby.
12:34 p.m.

Dear Mike.

I guess this is it. I guess we're through. I just want you to know that I have no regrets. Nothing that I did with you or didn't do with you do I regret. I don't regret staying up until 2 am the night before I had to leave. I don't regret that I made you wait to kiss me until I was really really sure. I don't regret that I spent two weeks trying to work through the 15 year age difference. You know what? I don't even regret that I trusted you too much, too easy. You knew I had trust issues, and there was something about you that made me want to put my faith in you, and I did.. and I got hurt. I don't even regret that. I loved, I learned, I live. You said no regrets, and so I don't have any.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get my hair cut. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but I remember you being upset when I mentioned cutting my long hair off. You said you loved my hair, you were always pulling my ponytail out to play with my hair and you always wanted to brush it. I remember that night you slept in my bed, you made me take down my hair - you loved my hair. And you wanted it to be long. Since I am partial to long OR short hair, I've decided to cut most of it off. I guess this is my closure. I know I sound like a freak, but this is like my rebellion.

I want you to know that life isn't over without you. I'm coming back to Ontario and I'm going to work at the racetrack and you'll see everyday what you gave up. You'll see how I've grown up, and you, then, will have your regrets that you swore off. And we'll be friends.

The best part about us is that we were best friends. I remember that night - I was trying to weasel every secret out of you and I asked you if you had a best friend and you said no.. so we decided we would be best friends. You looked after me, I daresay you were falling in love with me, and I with you - before we even got together. I really appreciated that. For the three months we lived in the same house, for the month you persued me, for the last month we were together, I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt like someone cared about me. And when you told me I was beautiful, I bloomed.

I guess that's all behind us now. I know I disappointed you by getting myself dismissed, but you know what? Whatever else I'm doing, I'll be happy because I will be away from that miserable asshole, Lance. I'll be happy because I am my own person, because I have grown and learned since I met you.

So I guess I wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year - I remember you saying this would be a good new year, because we would be together. I left, and we were through - I guess that's how things work. I guess I do have a regret, baby. I regret that you let something so good as me go so easily.

Loved you,

Mandy

Didn't mean to leave you hanging on, all alone. I didn't know what to say. Merry Christmas, baby.

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