no concern
8:49 p.m.

b.p.

screw it. it doesnt matter. nothing matters anymore. i'm dead inside. completely dead. i dont think i could care if it meant my life. or maybe i care too much.

which would it be?

i want you to go away sometimes. so many times i see you and i honestly wish i had never met you. never liked you. never gone out with you. never loved you. so many times i see you and i wish you had at least just stayed my friend. and it would have been that way. but i just had to go and kiss you. that sweet little kiss that changed my life forever. so many times i see you and wish you were mine. but you're not. not anymore. and i like it this way. but so many times i see you and i cant believe what you've done.

i like it this way. i honestly do. i like being single, just being your friend. but that last part is certain uncertainty. because how am i a friend to you? how are you a friend to me? this cant be it. this cant be like before, when we flirted mercilessly, and when we werent flirting we were talking. this cant be like before, when you honestly cared and kept on trying and trying when you thought something was wrong and never gave up until i gave in. this cant be like before, when you were my best friend.

im trying.

are you?

i want us to be like we were before. before the whole relationship thing. i want us to flirt and laugh and talk like we used to. i dont care if you dont want to flirt because wether or not you want to you will. its just common knowledge. but how can i try if you wont? this wont be one way. this will NOT be a one way friendship where im the roadkill and you're the driver. i wont let it be.

but you will.

wont you

i dont want to put the blame on you. i honestly dont. but GET OVER THE GOD DAMN "I HATE YOU" THING!! because if you dont nothing will change. you'll always talk to me weerd. you'll always avoid me. you'll always get pissed off. it's not that hard to get over it because you know what i meant, you know i dont actualy HATE. i dont regret saying it because it was the TRUTH. would you rather have it that you had the UNsaid truth eating you inside rather than the SAID truth? because you should tell me that. you should tell me you enjoy torturing yourself to uncertain death.

but maybe i care too much?

could that be it?

because i'm trying. i go up to you and talk to you. i look at you. i stare you in the eye. I TELL THE TRUTH. i've gotten over the whole lying thing. sure i still "hate" you for it but i dont let it take over my God damn life and friendship!!! maybe i do care too much.

because i still miss you

and you dont even have any concern for me

kill me.

kill me and God damn get it OVER with.

im dead inside anyway

--me

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