non-sensical longings
10:40 p.m.

MB,

I'm not going to complain because the situation we are in is all my own fault. My philosophy ran thus : boys leave, it hurts. I couldn't deal with another emotional attachment because I wasn't willing to get hurt again. But as we get on so well and are quite plainly attracted to each other it made sense to be friends with benefits.

It still makes sense. It makes absolutely perfect sense. Our arrangement is the most sensical thing in my life. I hate it.

I want a relationship. A real, actual, grown up relationship. I want phonecalls at ridiculous times because you've just finished work and you want to hear my laugh. I want Sunday mornings in bed listening to Joy Division and The Smiths. I want to celebrate anniversaries and make you watch girly films you'll hate. I want arguments, silly little arguments over silly little things and proper make-ups afterwards, not mumbled apologies over a crackling phone connection.

I'm willing to accept that you might leave me. I'm willing to accept that I might get hurt. I'm willing to take the risk now...just as you've decided that you're not. You've finally agreed that our arrangement makes sense, and I've finally realised that I don't care. I don't want sense.

Maybe, eventually, we'll end up on the same page.

LG

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