sleeping in your bed.
12:02 a.m.

So here I am, with the greatest guy in the world. He's everything I've ever dreamed of, but I still lay awake thinking about you. What if I had chosen you over him? Could we have worked out? Could i be sleeping in your bed tonight? For the past three years you've been incredible to me. You've stuck by me through everything that happened with my mom and you were there everytime I needed to break down because i was so stressed out. You know everything there is to know about me. You are, perhaps, the most amazing thing that has happened in my life. You've changed who I am as a person and my entire outlook on life.

Despite all this, however, I can't hold onto you anymore. I'm with him now. I'm happy with him. You asking about us and trying to be his friend is making this really hard. The more I see you, the more I wonder if i made the right choice. He doesnt call me at 2am to tell me how much he cares about me and talk about the stupid things in life. He doesnt know about my mom. He has no clue about my beliefs and convictions. He sees me as his girlfriend... not as a friend and someone to tell everything to. I see him as my boyfriend.. not as my friend. You are my friend... you're a part of me. I can't forget about you, but I need to.

It annoys me when you talk about other girls... I've seen you with other ones before but it never hurt as much as it does now. I could always play my games and get you back... but now, i cant.. i dont really want to... i just dont want to see you with any of them. I want you to keep calling me and telling me that hes not good enough for me and that i'm amazing. I want you to tell me you love me.. like you did that night when it was raining and we sat in the dark talking about the future. At the same time that I want you and everything we used to have back.. i dont. because i know it's just going to be like all the other times.

my mom tells me that i love you. like genuine love. i cant bring myself to accept that. how could a girl like me love a guy like you. its crazy. i wont admit it... and besides... i'm with him... hes perfect. right? wrong. hes not you. I dont want you to give up on me. I want you to call me the night him and I break up. i dont care if its in a year. but for now... i need you to set back, get out of my life. you make everythign too complicated for me. and it kills me to do this... but i need you to not call me, not tlak to me in school, not IM me online, and not be as incredible as you are.

I can't love you anymore.

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