the past is...just that. isnt it?
4:12 p.m.

s

i dont understand you. i dont understand how you can like me so much after knowing me for so little time. i mean. we hadnt seen each other in over 3 years and you started having a 'little crush' on me 5 months ago? it confuses me.

thats nothing compared to the confusion over my feelings for you.

i like you.

that much is true.

but.

its bad. because i cant like you. i mean. what if youre not sure? what if...what if you just think you like me...but you really dont? youre through with white girls, and im asian. and you say im pretty. so what if..what if im just a convenience? what if we actually ever got together and...and it just didnt work out?

i dont know why im thinking of these things if i have someone already.

i liked you before. but then you were gone. i could forget about you. not that i did. but you were never ofany concern.

i thought you hated me.

but. apparently. you dont. what am i to do now? i dont understand how i can like you. i shouldnt. i cant. somehow it feels like maybe i only like you because you like me. maybe if you didnt like me i wouldnt like you. but we'll never know, will we? because you do like me. and i do like you.

what if its just the idea of you? 17, cute, kinda short but still good-looking, sweet, funny, easy going...apparently likeing me, of all people. maybe i just think i like you.

but how can i just 'think' that?

i dont know how to explain this, how to let this all out.

even anonymously...

sometimes i wish

i had never met you

because then

i could go to sleep

at night

not knowing there was

someone like you

out there

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