what's in my heart but unsaid
12:35 p.m.

Dear everyone,

I'm really effing tired. It takes a lot of work to be this happy, and cheer all of you up. Especially when I'm not happy. I like it, I love it, but it's just difficult. You all think I'm happy.

I'm not.

I wish I could cry and not feel a bit of guilt, like the way you guys do to me. I wish I didn't feel bad for talking about the way I feel. I wish it was fair.

It isn't.

Why do I feel so alone? It's stupid, it's scary, and by golly, it's true. I want to cry on one of your sholders for a change. I want to tell one of you every detail about how shitty my day is for a change. I want to be the one talking, and have one of you listen to me for a change. I don't want to feel alone. I don't want to be closed off. I wish everything could be okay.

But it's not.

I want you to understand why I love you. I'd like for you to feel what I feel about you. I wish I could verbally explain to you how I feel, without sounding sterile, or confused. And I want you to love me the way I love you.

But you don't.

All of this is okay. Everything is perfectly acceptable, and tomorrow life won't change. I'm an accepting woman. I'm an accomidating person. I'll never say a word of this aloud, but it all speaks with passion from my heart.

And none of you hear it.

Thanks for reading,

me

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