I will never cut the strings of my heart that link you to me...
12:12 a.m.

I miss you. I miss you with every breath I take. I miss you with each step I travel. I ache for what you gave me. You made me who I am today.

Yes, I'm happy now. I'm married to a wonderful man. And he holds my heart, almost all of it. But part of it still longs for you. I want it to just give up and forget about you. But it refuses with every amount of energy it can spare. That corner of my heart is sad and empty and lonely for you.

Sometimes I dream of you. And when I wake from one of those dreams I usually go back to sleep so I can be with you again. And in some ways, I'm disappointed when I have to leave you. But I know you'll always be there for me, in my dreams. Waiting. Arms open, heart open and full of love.

I've tried keeping in touch with you over the years. But somehow we lost each other. But only physically. I know you still think of me too. We have such memories. The memories will never leave us. That is something I hold onto every day. I do wonder how you're doing. If you're happy.

Are you still a vegetarian and do you still not like veggies? Do you still smirk when people say things you find lame? Are you still as sarcastic as ever? Do you stay up all night watching Conan O'Brien and playing online computer games? Do you still worship Morrissey? Do you still collect CD's like there's never enough? Does the voice of Harriet Wheeler still drive you insane in a good way? Are you dating someone? Married maybe? Do you treat her like she's the most amazing being on the planet? Do you make her feel whole, like you did me? Does she treat you right? Hug you, kiss you and love you unconditionally? How's your family? I love your family. They were so much fun to watch. And Marcel? How's he?

I heard you moved away. But you're back now aren't you? And living downtown? A few streets away from my old apartment. I've thought about calling you. Your name is in the phone book. You'd probably think I was stalking you. But I just long to hear your voice, just to know you're okay. What if I bumped into you somewhere? Would you say hello? Would you hug me? Do you miss me? Do you miss me like I miss you?

I want to know you forever. I want to know you're happy and healthy. I want your friendship. I'll admit that part of me will always miss the you that was with me, but I still love you for being you. All alone. You. And your friendship means so much. You once said in an email "I do cherish what we had together,

and I'll always be your friend". I cling to that. I cling to all the words you said to me. I don't think you understand just how much of an impact you had on me.

With the way things happen in a flash I couldn't imagine having something happen to you and then realize that I missed an opportunity to get in touch with you. And that I would never talk to you again. How sobering is that?

We've moved on now. We're both a few years older than the last time we met. I'm married. I have two kids. And I don't need you like I used to need you. But I don't want to lose the connection we had.

I miss you so much. All I want to know is that you miss me and think of me too.

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