Finding my Way
2:51 p.m.

I don't understand you sometimes.

We have been together for some time now. But I feel like I am dating 4 different people: the undecided you, the annoying you, the scared you, and the real you. I want to know why you can't just be a combination of all four? Balance one another out. Why you go to such extremes?

Sometimes I feel like I am beyond where you are in your life. I am comfortable with who I am. Who I have become. And although age factors into things, I don't think it is too much to ask. Your emotional swings bring me down. And they happen all too often. Yes I love you but I love myself more. I don't want to be back where you are at. And I feel myself slipping because of you.

I am at a loss. Which is outweighing the other? The good or the bad? I don't know. I just know that I feel trapped sometimes. And it is not that great to be feeling this way. I have to vent. Or I am going to loose what mind I have left.

I am sorry if this hurts you. I know I will never give this to you. So I want to say more:

I had just got back into the dating game when I met you. And we got sooo serious sooo quickly. Sometimes I feel like we are an old married couple. Sometimes I feel like I want to break things off and see other people. I do know that a part of me is holding on because I am scared of hurting you, scared of being alone, scared that we can't be friends if this ends.

I feel lost. For the first time in a long time. And I hope to find my way soon, before we both get hurt.

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