in the cards
12:05 p.m.

hi,

you'll never read this, so this is basically a letter to no one. but it's good that you'll never read this. in a way, writing a Letter Never Sent is good therapy for someone like me, who is both sad and mellow at the same time.

i wonder what pretty girl you're talking to right now. i wonder about the guys who are lucky enough to pal around with you, to be able to laugh and joke. they don't know that every time they do, they are seizing a chance that i will never have.

i keep your screenname on my buddy list, even though i shouldn't. in a way, it's strangely reassuring to have it there, even though we're strangers to each other now. for some reason, the buddy list is a personal thing to me. whenever i put someone on there, that means i have a connection to them. no one is ever just a screenname, and that goes for you much moreso than the rest.

i miss you. i wish you could see me the way i saw you.

i'm sorry for the co-dependency. i now know what it means to love you without that, to love you as a person. i miss everything about you, even annoying things. but i can't love you.

it's just not in the cards.

---stitch

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