2:46 p.m.

To my best friend,

Though I understand the futility and wastefulness of writing you so many letters that I'll never give you, somehow it saves me to write them. Even though you're my best friend, my male best friend who has a boyfriend, the fact is that I'm in love with you. Ha, there, I said it. I love you. You, my crazy, exciting, irritiating, hilarious, confusing, bisexual, random, loud, quiet, sad, beautiful best friend. I love you and the way you walk, that girly walk you've got. You know you walk like a girl, but I just don't think you give a fuck anymore. I love you and your evil smile when you've just gotten some. I love you and your sadistic, twisted sense of humor that matches mine perfectly. I love you and the way I feel when I've made you laugh. I love your possessiveness, even of me. I love your body. You say you're "fat", but you know you're not. You know you're perfect. I mean that. You look perfect. You know I'm not the only one who thinks that. I love your ass. It's perfect. I love the way we weave tapestries of obscenities that would make a goddamn fucking sailor pass out. I love the innocence that exists in you even after all that you've done. I love your face. You are as beautiful as an angel, though I know you don't believe it. Your eyes are so dark and so deep and more beautiful than I could ever explain. You have the lips of a rock god, and from what I've heard, you little slut, you know how to use 'em! LoL, you know I only say it because I know you take it as a complient. I love your hugs. I love your intelligence. I love how gentle you were when you were doing my makeup for that stupid movie we made. Such an odd, tiny little incident, but it was so much to me. I love the way you look in just your boxers. Who wouldn't? You're perfect. I love your evil laugh when you tell me how much fun you had yesterday. I love your honesty. I love your bluntness. I love your big, boyish hands. I love your sweet, don't-you-wish smile when you know someone wants you and can't have you. I love your persistence. I love how pouty you get when things don't go just your way. Because that's the thing. I love you in all your complexities and annoying/sexy/sweet/funny/weird traits, because you are everything to me. My world is dull without you. I love you deeper and on more levels than I can begin to describe or even understand for myself. All I know is that I love you like nobody else. I thought I was in love before. The feeling lasted awhile, but now that I'm older, I can see that all the while, it really was just a crush. You were right. You knew. As always. I didn't even really know him. But you...ah, you...I know you better than anyone else and you know me better than anyone else. Your secrets are always, always, ALWAYS safe with me, and I'm sure the same goes the other way. For so long, I tried to figure out how I could be in love with my best guy friend who has a boyfriend....Then I realized I was right all along. Everything I told you guys about my beliefs...Love happens when and where it wants to, and when it wants to. It doesn't matter who it is. I'll always love you as my best friend, my confidante, and my first real love.

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