2:12 p.m.

i will never be able to say everything that i feel about our relationship. you would run away if i told you everything. but i love you. and you're so far away and i'm so frustrated. you say you love me too, but it's so hard to believe sometimes. talking to you, once, maybe twice a week. i think you don't understand how much i long for you sometimes. it's so hard. and it doesnt even make any sense. i like things to make sense. and what we have doesnt make sense. i dont understand it and it frustrates me. i dont even know when u can truly be mine. i hope that it will be at the end of this year, but i have faith in you. you're so intelligent. how could they not accept you? and if they do accept you, it means that i must spend more time waiting. will i spend the rest of my life waiting? no i wont because i'm not the type, but i'll spend the rest of my life wondering. wondering what could have been. i understand that real life is not tv and the movies, but sometimes i wish you would give up your dream of that school and come here, to be with me. but how dare i ask for such a thing? that's why i dont. no matter how much i may wish for it sometimes. i cant ask you to give up your dreams for me. and i wont. i'll just keep the the selfish idea locked inside my head with all the rest of my fantasies. oh but i love you. and how i miss you.

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