I want to tell you...
8:58 p.m.

I'm sorry...

I don't know how many times it will take for me to say I'm sorry for me to feel better about how I've been treating you, but I know that until I say it to you, it will have no meaning... it will have no affect.. it will always mean nothing.

Sorry is just a word and until I say it to you, until I utter this simple word... it will mean nothing, like I'm sure you've been feeling.

I wish that there was some way to fix things, for me to go back... but I wouldn't know when to go back, what time, what day, what moment that changed things for us.

We use to be really good friends, you used to be able to tell me anything and everything, well almost everything. You always kept something from me, but it's not like I've been completly open, who really is? But I miss being able to tell you things, I miss you telling me things... I guess I messed up, but you did too.

My emotions are a mix of jealousy, frustration, and disappointment. I suppose that I put too much hope in you... I expected too much from you and when you didnt live up to them, I lost hope. It's not only you, don't worry, it happens all the time with me. Someone comes close, I feel they're too close and I push them away so quick because I'm scared... and I'm disappointed you didn't see through the tough act I put on, the anger I gave to you, the silence I treated you with. I was scared, and those were my ways of running away. I'm sorry I treated you that way, you never deserved it.

I'm frustrated that I act this way, that I can't push myself enough to say I'm sorry.. that I have to be so stubborn not to.

Then I'm jealous, I'm jealous that you stopped telling me things and went to my best friend instead. I'm jealous, because, even though you'll never be more then a friend, you use to like me so much and care about me so much, now it just seems like you don't, like you never will. I guess it's a good thing, you moving on, but did you have to shove me out of your life completely?

I guess it's my fault, I know I played a huge part in this distance with us... now only if I could tell you.

I'm sorry.

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