11:42 p.m.

My Honey~

I am so scared. I don't know if I'll be able to have this baby at home, but I'm petrified to go to the hospital.

I wish that everyone could be happy and supportive. I wish the doctor wasn't such a jackass, and I wish that I could feel more worthwhile as a human being with this whole stay at home mom gig.

You love me so much, you work your fingers to the bone for me, to make sure we pay the bills and can have nice things...but now we have to decide if we are going to get our insurance through the government because we are poor, or spend all the extra money we have on the insurance i used to have at my job.

I wish you would make up your mind which way you want it. You work now to avoid issues like this. I can't make this decision alone.

The hospital scares me so. It's a place of long painful deaths...screaming babies...scared mothers being told what to do by "all knowing" doctors.

Wouldn't it be nice to be independently wealthy?

~Your Honey

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