veneers
4:46 p.m.

oh god.

oh god.

what if i dont really like you?

oh god.

in theory, you seem right enough. you're a nice boy, you treat me so well...shit, you were calling me ten times last night to see if i wanted to watch aladdin.

i saw you come into the library to find me, i knew it was you. that was improvement. but, god, i didn't get that feeling. that slight flip flop that little invisible sound that tells me im in love.

but you came to find me. shouldnt that be enough?

please god, just make me love him. i dont want to waste his time.

i dont want to hurt him, i want to leave him as untainted as possible for the next girl. oh god.

what if i dont like you because youre not him?

how cliche.

i dont believe in rebounds. and i would hate to think that im just using you to gain my self confidence back. to let myself know that just because that other guy didnt love me doesnt make me worthless.

i just want to be free.

is it possible to get your soul back after youve given it away? after its been cheapened and tossed back into your face, can you still salvage the pieces, recycle it and give it a fresh coat of paint to be usable for someone else?

or will one heartbreak stop me from ever truly being able to be with someone?

im so confused.

i really hope that im not the emotional massochist that people tell me i am. i hope that my prerequisite for a relationship is that he treat me like shit.

i want the nice boy. hes going to watch aladdin with me.

you never did.

please god, let me make this work.

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