shades of grey
12:20 a.m.

I'm sorry that I wasn't what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I broke it off when I couldn't handle it anymore. I'm sorry that we fought all the time, and that we lived 3000 miles apart. And I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt you.

I loved you and I know that I loved you, and now you deny that you ever loved me back. That hurts more than you can imagine, I think. So go to her, whine about her. Tell me how perfect she is, what a wonderful person she is. Tell me how different she is from me, my exact opposite.

Tell me all the ways that I was imperfect for you. Go ahead. I'll pretend not to mind.

Even now I was willing to sacrifice part of myself for you, to be a distraction for you. But I can't now, knowing that when you said 'I love you', you didn't mean it.

It was always you, dear. I've compared every guy to you, thought of how he measures up. And even now, as I'm falling for another, you can still make me cry.

You always make me cry.

It was always you.

I don't want to waste anymore time on you, and I don't want to waste anymore tears. I just want to move on from this. I want to not care anymore.

I loved you so much. I still love you, in my own way. I would have done anything for you, and I made sure to tell you often that I cared.

You never cared, did you?

All I meant to you was sex.

So here's to goodbye. Oh, I'll be around, but you'll never really know me.

I am all shades of grey to you, from now on.

Love, me.

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