Reasons Why You Will Never Be With Him
1:44 p.m.

This letter is to myself.

REASONS WHY YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE WITH HIM, EVER:

1. He's not interested.

2. You're a virgin, and it would be weird.

3. He's crazy.

4. You're not good enough for him.

5. You're really insecure, which is unattractive.

6. He drinks too much.

7. He's mean.

8. He LIVES in fucking PITTSBURGH.

9. You don't even really know him, and this whole thing is fucking ridiculous.

10. He's better-looking than you are, and it would be weird.

11. He thinks you're cuter than you really are.

12. He's probably shorter than you are.

13. You look too Goth.

14. Your music sucks.

15. You are too fat, and your hair is crazy, and your tits aren't big enough. Also, your teeth are weird.

16. He doesn't like you.

17. Your friends wouldn't like him, and he wouldn't like your friends, and that would ultimately reflect badly on you.

18. You're both too immature and self-absorbed to have a relationship.

19. You're sitting here making a list of reasons why you can't be with him, and that's fucking weird, and if he knew about it he would probably want to slap a restraining order on your ass or something.

20. He makes you feel bad.

21. You never know what to say to him.

22. You already fucked it up with your own fucking stupidity, stupid.

23. He's too cool to have a girlfriend.

24. You keep getting omens that the whole thing is a bad idea.

25. It's all about lust. Really. Just lust. JUST LUST. You will get past this.

Sincerely,

Me

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