I know somethin' you don't know!
8:05 a.m.

Hey Letters Anon Readers:

I stopped writing entries here for a while because I thought being anonomous was just taking the chicken way out. I realized, though- that this is great therapy-- 'cause no one knows who I am. I could be your cousin, that bitch you hate at work, your sister, your best friend, your lover.... I could be your mom! Ha ha ha!

There's been some weird version of back and forth communication on this page lately, and I wanted to be a part of it. I remember feeling the way that the two people who wrote the letters about missing someone else must feel.

I'm so apreciative that I don't have to feel that way. Yeah, I'm gloating, and you can call me a bitch, or even hate me, but it doesn't matter. I think I deserve to be happy... it's been a really long time since a relationship has given me this kind of joy without any obvious alterior motives on the behalf of the other individual.

My last relationship was so one sided that the scale was never ballanced from the get-go, and this one teeters from time to time, but it's calm. Like the real relationships that I had such a long time ago. My heart is brought to ease just by thinking about that, and I haven't had that feeling since I was a teenager. It's such a wonderful feeling to really be in love, and looking back at my past mistakes, and all the terrible things that have happened, I apreciate it.

I apreciate not hating the person I love. I apreciate not having to make excuses for someone else. I apreciate being cared for, liked, and having attention poured on me when I deserve it. It makes me so happy-- being able to spoil someone, listen to their stories, make them smile, and feel the touch of another person's skin on my own. I'm so happy to be able to have silent moments that say so much.

It's fucking great.

The irony is, that I'm not a person who likes to be touched. To touch me is a special gift that I only give to a few people, mostly because it wigs me out when people touch me without asking. It's a respect thing, I'm not crazy- okay? But when I'm touched by that other person, everything is alright. The exception to the rule is a pretty fucking awesome one.

Anyway, yeah, I love that person. They know it. Hell, most of the free world knows that person is loved. The lucky loved person may not be able to verbalize it quite yet, but I know this person loves me too, because if not I'm pretty sure I'd be able to tell. This person I love, I know very well. An amazing person, through and through, but well... kinda transperent when it comes to feelings. I'm silly, but I'm not stupid. So I'm patient. I'll wait. I am expecting to hear it though.

"Do you hear it?" - Toga Kiryuu

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