we fit together like a tightly woven rug
12:01 p.m.

My Dearest Ringboy,

I've been told writing this letter and not sending it to you will somehow help me in the "letting go." But I also think it helps to want to let go--which I'm not ready to do you.

You and I fit so perfectly together--when the weather's good. You've said, I've said, and many of our friends have said it as well.

Even so, you are still in little boy mode and I am still emotionally unavailable and as perfect as I want to believe we fit together, these to facts remain the same, creating a less than perfect fit.

As I said, we fit so perfectly together when the weather's good.

Lately, the weather has been very good which is why it's so difficult just to let go.

You asked me while sitting at the bar all dressed up with a few drinks flowing through our blood and making our heads spin with giddiness, "why can't we find anyone else?"

I threw my head back and laughed with my entire being.

You crinkled your forehead and looked all serious as you said, "I'm serious."

"So, am I."

And that was the end of the conversation.

I can't say it's your fault or even my fault we aren't together, bad timing would be the best place to point the finger.

I can't cut the heartstrings.

At the same time I can't seem to move on--can't find anyone else who fits as well as you when the weather's nice.

I miss falling asleep in your arms.

I miss you making me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the room.

I don't miss when you would flirt with other girls while standing next to me.

I don't miss how you would say mean things just to maintain an emotional distance from me.

I don't miss how you would never talk about what was really going on with us--instead just dancing around the subject or ignoring it completely.

Ack, I just need to let go of "us."

I need to let go of the dream.

I need to let go of what you once met to me when the weather was perfect and we fit together like a tightly woven rug.

All of me,

~Rachel

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