Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
11:24 a.m.

D~

I know you wonder and have doubts, I do too. I wonder if I will ever be enough to shine in your sky like a bright star. I wonder if I'm the one who broke your heart in two. I wonder why you never fought me when I was afraid- if I was sure I had you hand I would have walked into that inferno. as I am willing to now. I am at a place in my life I was never at before where my own willingness to lay myself bare at your feet body and soul out weighs my fear of failure. love has never been a game to me, no matter how other people see it. I have been confused and lost for far too long. loving you has always felt sweet, precious, and endearing- maybe that's why I got so lost in a passionate obsession because it was hard to believe what I felt for you could ever be reciprocated. I always wondered how someone so amazing who could do and have anything he ever wanted could ever want someone like me. I still remember when you made this snow queen blush like bashful from snow white.

I'm not the girl you once knew- I've grown and changed into someone I hope you can still care about. I'm afraid that maybe I lost that part of myself you used to see shine; only you will know for sure. I don't know if you will ever find this but I hope you do pick up the phone and embrace the person who longs to finally show you her heart. I'd like to see you, I think we both need to say some things face to face finally. it's not that I wish to see you to rip out your heart- it's that I want to hand you mine and finally tell you that I love you. I can promise you no less than this and it's not something I say lightly.

numerous times I wanted to call your grandmother and ask for a number but I couldn't remember her name or the exact address to look it up. all I do know is I can't drive by the neighborhood without thinking of your face and the last time I held you. can we talk of your wonders, doubts and concerns? we lost so much time, please...can we not lose now? maybe together we can what we've always wanted and needed.

maybe this is all too much pressure and maybe I'm selfish to even ask. if it is I am so very sorry. but when I think of us it's never felt anything but right and good...like the dawn of a new day, bright and full of possibility. how can I let something that pure slip away without saying something?

I will borrow my closing from the bard:

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt thou the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt, I love.

" I love thee best, O most best, believe it! Adieu.

-Thine, evermore"

~J

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