Stop it
6:24 p.m.

What does one do when all her friends worry about their weight?

When she watches them count calories, stare longingly at diet pills, and talk of such things that they wish they could do, wosh they could wear but they can't because "they're too fat".

What happens when she doesn't want to hear it anymore from the 6 of them? She knows she has to be there and she fears not being there. She fears that if she doesn't keep trying to let them know how beautiful they are to her and everyone something will happen. When she fears not talking to them for a day for fear that they haven't eaten or have spent more time lifting weights, running, doing crunches and things than should be humanly possible?

But inside her head she just wants to scream. "YOU'RE NOT FAT, YOU NEVER WERE FAT NOW SHUT UP!!" is what she hears every time they mention "calorie" "can't eat that" "can't wear that". But she'll never say it because of her fears. She'll never be able to not worry about them until she knows that they are satisfied with their bodies and can see how beautiful they all are.

And you, you who lost those 14 pounds in what, a month? I couldn't believe you. I couldn't believe you still thought you were too fat, seeing you standing there, shorter than me and so thin and pale. But the doctor scared you didn't he? The thought of losing hair, losing all kinds of things, it scared you. I'm actually so happy that he scared you. Because now you eat, at least a little more than before. I would like to thank that doctor.

And it scares me because I love all of you so much. Every single joking line of "Ha, I could never fit into that" followed by a laugh sends chills down my back because I know inside your head those thoughts are serious. Those thoughts are not to eat, to exercise away every calorie.

I must go, but I need to write more.

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