To Andrew ~From Kathleen
4:44 p.m.

Dear Andrew,

I want you to know that no matter how much I hate you it'll never erase how much I love, but it's time to say farewell. I've been playing everything over and over in my head and I'm not quite sure where it went wrong. Maybe it was the first kiss... maybe it was the last. It's been over a year since our lips have last met but there has been plenty of opportunity to make up for lost times. Subconsciously I think our minds purposely didn't pursue our love. Sometimes when I look at you I get chills up and down my back because I know deep inside me that if we had the strength to work out the kinks we'd shine so bright that people would have to shield their eyes from our glow. I wasn't your first love, but you were mine. Regardless of whether or not you even loved me, my heart never stopped aching for yours. Now that things have simmered I think back and cry. The tears saturate my face with disgust and I hate you when your not here, but as soon as I see you it's all erased. Although I'm only 16, when I'm 95 I'll still remember the nights we spend drinking juice boxes, eating cookies, drinking cappuccino, star gazing, and sweetly cuddling. Somewhere there's a place for us. A place where we can come to terms and be at peace. A place where other people won't matter and it'll only be you and me to live in harmony. Maybe Earth isn't big enough for all the love we have stored in our cores. I wish you luck where ever you end up. I know you'll do great things with your life. If you read this letter I'm sure you wouldn't know what to make of it and neither do I. I'm not searching for closure cause I hold onto the possibility of you and me. I'll always hold that chance close to my heart for as long as I live. I just want you to know that I'm stronger than I was before you came into my life. I'm stronger now that I've kissed your eye lids and wished you sweet dreams. I know that you and Liz aren't really together now, but I'm jealous regardless. You love her so much. I can see it in the way you look at your. It pains me to see you love someone that's not me. Even when we were together I knew that a fraction of your love for her was more than you would ever feel for me, but it's OK. I don't want an apology. I got to spend nights in your arms and I got to smell your hair. For that it was all worth it. Sometimes I act bitter towards you but don't take that personally....it's only cause I regret not trying harder. As time passes by we see less and less of each other and by next year it'll be even easier to stay out of touch cause you'll be away at college. Once in a while I get little bursts of courage and strength and I call but you never return them. It saddens me to think that you don't care or maybe you're just like me and you need to find courage to call back. Although this may be tedious writing a letter and I should prolly just tell you what I'm feeling, it provides me with a reminder there was a 'you and me' at one point and time and for that I will be ever grateful.

Love Always,

Kathleen

Katastrophic.diaryland.com

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