Down Poison
12:21 a.m.

It's over.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised; I've seen it coming for... nearly two years now. But I don't know, I guess there was a modicum of hope that you would keep your promise.

You know how fragile my trust is, especially now, but I don't suppose you'll ever be paying enough attention to notice that you've lost it. I can now count the people I trust on a single hand. You're not one of them anymore.

I love how you justify to yourself not being there for me. In the seven years we've been friends, when have I not been there for you? Can you name even one time? You know how hard I've worked, how much I've struggled to hold it together. It's never been easy, you know that. But I did it because you wanted me to, because you needed me to. Now I have to wonder to myself, why work so hard? You obviously don't want it as much as I do anymore. Why should you, when you've got him? It's really encouraging to know I could be so quickly replaced, thank you, I'm truly honoured. No, really.

It's quite the contrast. Day after day after day I'm being broken down. My life is falling apart and I'm helpless to stop it, but you're too consumed by the fact that your buddy's new girlfriend wants to join your RP circle to notice. Let me tell you something. I can't remember the last day that went by that I didn't think of suicide. Will I do it? No. But I've thought about it every single fucking day.

But you don't care, do you? Because you "don't want to follow the path of depression." Do you have any idea what simplying pausing from your busy life down there long enough to say "Hello" would do for me? More than you can possibly imagine. But no, that might make your "empathetic" self depressed. Sometimes simple greetings that brighten people's days have that effect.

But until you make that move, it's over. I can't do this, I can't keep struggling to keep this together. I've got too many other things to worry about, like how I'm going to manage to pass the most important class I will ever take. I can't force you to keep holding on to a friendship that's become a burden to you. You'll always be welcome back in my life if you choose to come, but you've got to make that decision and act on it. I'm tired of chasing you and frankly, I haven't the strength to keep up anymore.