Dear universe... you've killed me.
2:42 p.m.

I don't think i'm good at this any more. I've been fighting against something unseen and ridiculously powerful for ages. Dear universe... this one's for you. You took my one love away and left me broken. Not just a little. Really, truly broken, with a feeling of dread every morning for the past two months that i can't seem to escape from. I was so incredibly happy and then i wasn't. And i'm still hurting so badly that i can sometimes taste it. But i grew a little stronger. Then you left me with the hope of a dream journey. I fought so very hard to get to that point. My love wasn't going with me anymore, but i was strong enough to do this on my own. My parents kept telling me i'd be home in a week, but i knew i was strong enough to deal with whatever was thrown at me. But then you gave me an interview for my ideal job. So I cancelled the dream trip, in the hopes i could go back again if anything went wrong. I went to the interview. and i thought i was brilliant. And i was. I came third out of one thousand applicants. Too bad they only wanted two.

So now... you've taken away my love. And then you took away my trip. And now you've taken away my position. Where i had hope, i now have uncertainty. Where I had expectations, i have none. Where I had something to look forward to, you left me with nothing. There's just me, my couch... my day-time tv. Where i could've been ruddy faced and bright-eyed working in London, i instead have to line up every fortnight to receive benefits. There are people dying every day in this world. Being killed by bombs and guns and starvation and other people. But I still had hope that it would work out in the end.

You took that away from me. Now i'm dead on the inside. I'm not strong enough for anyone or anything anymore.

Sometimes the misery gets so bad i can actually taste it.

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