To My Friends.
9:29 p.m.

Sometimes people make me angry. With something they say, or do. It's not very often, but sometimes I do get really pissed off. And then there are times when I'm just in a bitchy mood. When I'm upset and angry and bitter and simply, not a very nice person. Again, this doesn't happen too often. But it does happen.

Now, there have been times in my life that I have undoubtly been treated cruelly. And there have been times where I've deserved everything I got. My point is, I have been hurt by others. I've been insulted, yelled at, hit, reduced to tears on many occasions. And although some very good friends of mine took care of me during these times, and sympathised with me, and let me cry on their shoulders.. truthfully the majority of people didn't care. It didn't really stop their world from turning. And I'm not saying it should've - I'm just stating that it didn't.Yet, if I get angry at a person for, admittedly, a small reason, it's like it's not allowed. Or if I just feel like being bitchy, and say something rude.. it's the end of the world. No one wants to forgive me.

I don't know if this is making any sense, I just think that after what some people have put me through, I'm allowed to get angry or rude sometimes. I can't let people walk all over me all the time. I can't just sit by and let it happen. Can't I bite back every now and then? Without people making such a big fuss? Why is it such a bad thing for me to yell at someone? Why can't I say something rude or insensitive - yet others can insult me daily, and that's okay. That's acceptable. But if (my name here) gets angry? Oh wow.. something's wrong with her! She's gone mental, she's got PMS, stay away from her. Jesus - I'm not allowed to get angry now? I'm not allowed to swear abit? What the fuck is up with that?

Changing topic now.. I know a few of you are talking about my absences from school. I guess I don't really have the right to be angry at what you say, because I brought it all on myself. I am the one who's missed out on all those days. I am the one who stayed home. It was me. I admit that. But God, get over it! I'm only talking to one or two of you guys here.. the majority of you are really good about it. But there's a couple who just.. every time.. Maybe you're trying to look out for me, and care for me.. I don't know. I'm just.. ah. Sick of it! I know what I'm doing! You think I don't realise I'm this close to failing school? Of course I do! It's just sometimes.. I'm lazy. Or sick. Or scared. It's kind've sick, isn't it? I get scared of people talking about why I wasn't at school - so I don't come to school again. Fuck, that makes alot of sense, doesn't it?

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